Finally, it's a tie end.

Past few days had been nothing but thinking, and thinking and still thinking (up till now). I am still jittered. Yes, I am. Why on earth, this day, this moment, after all you done to me, after all you have put me through and after I left everything behind coz this was not what I had in mind. I never even thought about it.

After the so called incident (I'm not sure if there's any) I live not on my regular days. It was hard especially when we broke up just after the last time we see each other (it was your birthday, best moment of our time). I cried on the day I landed in LCCT last January coz the last time I was there, the feeling is different. Knowing that many things will not be the same, I felt like taking next flight to Bintulu and never come back. There were so many memories to be cherished here. Well, it was just a say, and you win if you bet I'll lose, coz I did.

I looked for you the whole week I'm home. I went to your studio, I went to our regular spots when we were happy back then (do u still like the stuffed shrimp at bubba gump?) but you wasn't there. I went to your house but the guard didn't allow me in. I forgot, all this while we went to your place together that I don't need the access card and the house key. I waited outside. I don't mind if I'm working the next morning, or if that made me a loser coz if that all it takes for me to see you, it worth. four nights, and one half day, but its like you a have radar telling that I am around.

I'm tired. I'm tired of waiting for a thing even I couldn't explain. Lot of things wander around in my head at that time. Why did you ran away? what did I do wrong? what did you have in mind? what the hell is going on with your head? I even called Azrel to ask if he knew where were you, that if he did then I need to know. I remember he said "sorry syafiq, aku tak tau dia kat mana" and "kitorang pun dah lama tak jumpa dia" and "dia busy ngan job kot" while in the background, clearly it was your voice laughing. We've been together for only six months, but that's a whole lot of time to tell it was you laughing, sounding like as if nothing is happen at that time.

Days by days after, I moved on. I began to accept, there must be part of me is the fault. From hate, anger, frustration, dissapointment, you name it, turns neutral. That was a day I remember waking up in the morning thinking about you, and I smiled. At least, you gave me something to be looked back on, a healthy relationship I might say compared to those I had before and most of all, you opened me a different perspective of accepting someone, that is for the better, or for the worst.

That was why, it took only seconds for me to reply your "I'm sorry" text. The gap is coz I was shocked (pardon me for cursing u in twitter) but other than that I am OK. In fact, for being the most lovable person I ever had, I had forgive you ever since I realized that we were not meant to be together. Thank you, for finally gave me the reason I wanted to hear, and made me relieved that it wasn't me we ended up such way.Just one thing from me, I am sorry that we're just gonna be friend, I think it works better that way. Enough with the cheating in the back, I want you to be honest to yourself, and people around you. A person that I knew of, that it will remain just as how it is, and will never change.

Now, give me time. There's a lot that I need to look to, process and make it dungs. Coz, once they left me, we're gonna have a fresh start.

Thanks HK :-)